Freement by William James Johnson Chapter 12

My eyes were swollen shut and the flesh on my cheek bones stretched almost to the breaking point. Aggie was furious when she saw the mess they had made of me. She phoned the personnel office and told them I was sick. It took a week before I felt well enough to return to work. When I did there was a note on my time card like there had been the last time I was transferred. The plant superintendent studied me closely.
"You look like you got the wrong end of a buzz saw. Are you okay?"
I nodded yes.
"Good. We're moving you into a new department. The work's going to be more demanding. I just want to be sure you're fit enough to handle it."
"How come I'm being moved?"
"Burney says he can manage with one less man on his line and he knows how much we need men in the paint department. Mac's a good man. Always thinking of the company first."
The mere mention of his name infuriated me. The superintendent noticed my face becoming flushed but he missed seeing my clenched fists.
"You sure you feel all right?"
"I'm okay."
"Your new boss will be Russ Menard. He'll drive you, but 1'm sure you'll find he's fair."
In the paint department I saw several men covered from head to toe in protective clothing struggling with long coils of spray painting hoses, their faces masked with respirators. Only their eyes were exposed and even these were coated in Vaseline.
In the background was the ever present sound of factory machines. But now there was a new sound, that of running water. A short gangster-like man came out of one of the spray booths and motioned me towards him. He wiped his twisted, heavily lined face and his lips frozen in a perpetual sneer, broke into conversation after he sized me up.
"So you're the guy Burney's been having trouble with. Get it straight from the start. I don't take crap from no one. The work we gotta do is damn hard. None of this sitting on your ass tightening screws all day. Come on. I'll show you where we're gonna start you."
I followed the burly straw boss towards the water sound. On the way he yelled at some of his men, then turned towards me.
"You gotta be on those sons of bitches all the time."
We arrived at a sub-assembly line that was an off-shoot of the main line. Car bodies were crowded together, between platforms which had been constructed to permit workers to reach the tops of the automobiles more easily. Overhead pipes
continually drenched the unfinished bodies with running water, and workers were leaning directly into the stream, sanding the cars.
"Welcome to the water deck. It's a helluva job, but a necessary one. That smooth finish on cars doesn't happen by accident. When one of the painters goofs, and puts on too much paint, the goddamn stuff sags, and my boys gotta bust their asses smoothing it out. It's a bitch here in the winter. They heat the water, but it doesn't help a helluva lot. Any questions?"
"No."
"Hey Charlie. Take the kid to the tool crib and get him an outfit."
Charlie wiped himself. "Don't let little Caesar scare you. His bark's worse than his bite."
"He sure looks mean."
"It's all front. He thinks he's gotta act tough cuz the work is tough. All the guys take him with a grain of salt."
"I was hoping to get something better after being here for five years."
"You should bitch. Christ, I've been doing this same fucking job for thirteen years. You must've crossed someone."
"Why would you say that?"
"This is where the company dumps guys who make trouble."
"What kind of trouble did you make?"
"They caught me sleeping in an empty car body on the cab line instead of doing my job. The line started to move and when I tried to get outa the cab I almost squashed the shit outa my arm. The door jammed into one of the pillars that support the line, and I fucked up the whole shift. I kept my job only because the union
went to bat for me. Where did you fuck up?"
"Got tired of listening to the religious bullshit of my boss."
"Jesus...you ain't the guy Burney fucked around?"
"The same."
"You poor sonovabitch. At least you didn't have to put up with his crap. anymore."
The water deck was not the kind of career I had planned for myself. Menard seemed satisfied with my work and kept off my back. I was twenty-two when I began this job, and I planned to save my money and go to University. Making cars was not for me. I cont1nued going out with Liz, despite the fact she still went to Mac's church. It was a strange relationship. We felt we loved each other, but religion had become an unbridgeable gap. She was convinced Burney was divinely chosen, and I believed he symbolized all that was hateful in religion. I think we tolerated
each other because she was determined I would be saved and I was just as determined to straighten out her thinking, and get her away from Mac's exploitation. She still had not made her public confession.
Our discussions became down and out fights. We would resort to shouting abuses at each other, and end up embracing, sometimes crying as we begged forgiveness. I would go to the Cosmo and do my free thinking with the university kids, while Liz would endure more Of Mac's fiery tirades. After that, we would meet and soon we'd be deep into it.
Aggie noticed how upset I was when I came in after one of our hectic dates.
"That girl friend gettin' to be too much for you?"
"She's crazy Aggie. She's so obsessed with the idea I'm going to Hell unless I go back to Burney's church."
"Don't you think it's time you grew up and got yourself a girl who wants you for yourself, and not for some goddamn cult?"
"For some reason or other I love her. And she needs me. I can't just give up on her."
"Love be damned. If you were in love, you'd be married by now, not fighting like a couple of kids."
"But Mac will destroy her if I don't stay with her."
"Did you ever think maybe she's workin' for him. A guy like that ain't gonna forget you made him look like an asshole in front of all his stooges."
"God I hope not."
"I don't know anymore than you. All I know is Mac is gonna get even somehow. He's not the kind who is satisfied with just given you a pounding. He might just be tryin' to get at you through this girl."
"You know Aggie, you could be right. You've been right before. I hate to think Liz would do such a thing. But I've got to know. Tonight... I'm going back to her place now, and ask her straight out."
"Now your talking."
I dressed hurriedly and took a bus to the north of the city. Liz lived in a modern split level a few blocks from the University. I got along well with her parents. I wondered if they knew about their daughter's involvement in the City of God.
I rang the bell and waited. Liz opened the door. She was surprised to see me again. Her willowy body, in a pale blue nylon housecoat was outlined by the back lighting from the living room. As she turned sideways to invite me in, I couldn't help but notice the gentle moving of her breasts.
"Johnny...come in."
"We've got to have a talk."
Her father came out of the living room.
"Rather late to come calling don't you think?"
Although she was twenty-one, her parents treated her like a high school girl. She was an only child.
"I won't be very long Mr. Teil. I'd like to talk to Lizbet."
"Take him into the livingroom. Mother and I are going to bed."
"Thanks dad." She took me by the arm. "It's not fair you catching me like this without my face."
I wanted to say what a lovely face she had even without makeup. We sat on the chesterfield. She kicked off her slippers and tucked her feet under her.
"What's wrong Johnny? Still angry about our talk tonight?"
"It's not just tonight. Lately it's been every time we're together. These aren't discussions anymore. They're fights, and I don't want to fight anymore."
"That's because of the devil. He's in you Johnny, and you've got to get rid of him."
"Talk sense for Chrissake. I didn't come here to listen to you preach."
I stood and began to pace up and down, my hands thrust deeply into my pockets to restrain the impulse to grab this lovely creature and shake some sense into her.
"I'm going to ask you one question Liz, and I want a straight answer...Have you been working with Mac, trying to get me to come back to his church?"
"Absolutely not. Why would you say such a thing? Anything I've done has been for you Johnny and no one else. When I found you unconscious in the alley, all I could think of was the beating given to Jesus before his crucifixion. I wanted so much to help you. But I couldn't do it alone. I asked for God's help. Is that so wrong?"
"But I don't believe in God. I've told you that so many times. Why can't you understand?'.
Tears were forming in her lovely eyes.
"I thought that by loving me, you might learn to love the things I love. I had no idea how much this was hurting you. I've been such a fool Johnny."
She put her smooth fragrant face against mine and I felt a tear lightly touching my cheek. I tilted her pretty face upwards and ever so gently, kissed her.
"What's going to become of us? Is this the end? Will I ever see you again Liz?"
"Oh yes my darling. I love you so much Johnny. Oh why doesn't God see we need each other? Why doesn't he help us?"
Her invoking God struck a note of finality. Holding her away from me, I interrupted.
"It's late. Better get to bed. See you tomorrow."
At the door she did something she had never done before. As I kissed her, she placed my hand on her warm breast, and squirmed her body against me. I walked home because I wanted plenty of time to think. The fresh evening air cleared my head. I realized for the first time that given the chance, Liz could be intoxicating. She was young but she still appreciated the power she possessed in her physical
attraction. I glanced down at my hand that had enjoyed the gentle warmth of her tender flesh. My fingers rubbed the inside of the palm.
Suddenly it hit me. Lizbet was going to get me one way or another. The intellectual and spiritual approaches had failed. Now she was going to resort to her ultimate weapon, herself. The others in my life had done the same thing. It had all
been a struggle against satisfying my sexual needs. What had happened with my sister Ruthy, the queer priest, and even Aggie's obvious approach, had all been a part of my seduction. I really wanted to get back at them. I wanted to prove I was my own man. If this is what Liz was planning, I'll go along with her. Two can play this game, only this time I had to win.
We went to a dance that weekend, something we rarely did. Liz had changed completely. She was more effervescent, and there was none of her morbid talk of death and the hereafter. Moving among the others on the dance floor, her exciting body pressed sensuously against mine, hardness against softness. She was giving me all the encouragement I had yearned for these past months.
The music softened as we went onto the balcony that surrounded the hall, overlooking a park in Chathurst. She squeezed my hand, turning herself towards me. Releasing her hold, she wrapped her arms around my waist.
"I love you so much Johnny."
Her lips parted and her warm breath caressed my face as I drew her closer, kissing her. She opened her lips further and I could feel her tongue toying with the end of mine. Her fingertips played with the short hair at the back of my neck. The sound of the orchestra was muted as I buried my face in her soft hair.
"Why have you kept me waiting so long?"
"I've been so foolish. So childish. Help me grow up Johnny. Make a woman of me."
"Oh my dearest."
I pressed her hard against me, letting her feel what she was doing to me. She submitted all the more.
"Take me somewhere. Now. I want you. I need you."
My body was tingling all over. This time when I kissed her I felt I was becoming a part of her. We went down the stairs that led into the park, and found a bench hidden by bushes.
"No Johnny. Not here. Not outside."
"We could go back to my room. There's a side door. No one will see us going in."
"Oh yes dearest. Hurry. Let's not keep this waiting."
We walked Quickly across the park towards Davin Street. It was very dark in front of the house and we entered from the side porch unobserved. Once inside, I became very conscious of the warm budding passion of this young woman. She kissed me again and again while I undid her coat and let it slip off her shoulders
onto the floor. My desire had been so aroused that I couldn't resist fondling her tender body. Much to my surprise, she caressed me with such passion my groin almost burst. Fortunately my experience with Aggie had taught me the importance of self-control in matters of love making. Her hands on my swollen erection made
it turn to stone, and I wanted to melt this hardness into her soft yielding body.
"You undress me darling, and I'll help you," she said, her whisper becoming hoarse with anticipation. She sat on the edge of the bed and let her shoes falloff. I
knelt at her feet and let my fingers move gently up her nylons to the garter bulge. My hands trembled as the back of them sensed the warm dimpled flesh above her stockings. She raised her leg to help me, and the scent of her passion gently came out of her moist opening. I buried my hand in the dewy springiness that yearned to be taken.
"Oh Johnny," she gasped, falling back on my bed, struggling to hold me. She pulled down my zipper and freed my throbbing erection. and shuttered as I gently nudged her, the edge of her panties cruelly rubbing my throbbing flesh. Slowly, gently, my hardness found its rightful place inside the wet curly mass, hidden in her moist panties. She was so tight at first then suddenly the wall came down, and I sank all the way in.
"Oh...Oh darling. You give me such delightful pain. I love you Johnny. I'll always love you."
Our bodies pressed together as we fused into one. Then came the bursting. I couldn't hold back any longer. An uncontrollable pulsating was followed by pleasant fatigue. It was all so wonderful. We had made wild passionate love, and we still had our clothes on. Liz was the first to speak.
"Now that you have me dearest... can I have you?"
"You do have me my love. You have all of me."
"No I don‘t Johnny. I've given you my body. Won't you give me your soul? Let me help you be saved."
My insides turned to ice. The stone crumbled to powder. Aggie had been right again. This was insane. The scheming bitch had sacrificed her maidenhead in the hope I would agree to go along with what she believed. If she wasn't doing this for Mac, she must have some strangely twisted reason for paying such a high price.
And what about myself. What was to be gained by playing her little game? Revenge. Vindication. Was I so corrupt I would exploit her weakness? For once I wanted to win. I had to balance the ledger.
"You're right Liz. I've been a fool...a sinful fool. All along I've been fighting God's grace, but you have shown me that love is stronger than hate. I need your saving love my darling."
"Oh Johnny...my wonderful Johnny." She began sobbing. "I've waited so long to hear you say that...love me again my dearest. Again and again."
Gently I removed her clothing. The slightly dark stain beneath us, outlining her creamy limbs, was living testimony of the price she paid. The inside of the blankets were warm from our previous lovemaking. She stretched her slim, lithe body, caressing me with her entire length. Then in each other's embrace, we fell asleep.
It was a fitful sleep for me. I had another terrible nightmare. Lizbet was strapped naked to a table on the stage of Mac Burney's church. He glowered over her immaculate body which glistened under his bright lights.
"Come forward John and show us your special sin. You want her? Come and take her. Or is that all words, like everything else? You're afraid to take her Martindale, because you're not a man. You'd rather fondle yourself or your priest than do what God wants you to do. You're nothing but a sinful boy, parading in a
man's body."
"I'm not afraid...I'm not afraid. I'll take her you hellish monster just to spite you."
In this nightmare, I ran to the front of the theatre, completely naked, my full erection pointing the way. The City of God came alive with this spectacle.
"No Johnny...not here," cried Liz. "Not in front of all these people. Your mine Johnny, not Mac's. I'm the one who'll save you. Untie me, and let me save you."
Mac continued to goad me. "You're afraid to touch her because of what happened at home. Remember your little sister Johnny. Remember how you
molested your own flesh and blood. And Donna. You didn't know I knew about her did you. You and Donna in that barn. I know all about you John Martindale and your sinful life. You weak excuse for a man. You haven't the guts to touch this lovely creature because deep in your heart, you know you'll burn in hell for this abomination. And that's where you are going. God has shown me your burning soul in the deepest bowels of hell."
"Stop it...stop it. I'm not afraid. I'll fuck the life out of her if I have to. I'll show you. I'll show all of you."
My muffled words awakened Liz. "Johnny! Darling, what is it? You're trembling so."
"Oh...Liz. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I was having such a terrible dream."
"It's me isn't it. Oh I know I should never have come here." She was beginning to feel remorse. I'd gone through this stage many times in my life.
"It's not your fault Liz."
"It's the devil. Oh I'm afraid. Please kneel with me and beg God's forgiveness."
Her wonderful body looked so pitiful as she knelt nakedly praying on our bed of sin.
"Liz! Please, darling don't."
"Oh God forgive me and Johnny. You know why I did it Lord. Was I so wrong? Please dear God help Johnny to see your way."
Watching her nude body bent in prayer, I cursed all those who had created such a paradox for man; those thinkers who had by their glibness convinced others that man was spiritual, that he was created in the image and likeness of God, but who forgot about man's weak, passionate nature. It was my own concupiscence that tolerated this emotional display of faith by this unfortunate girl. If I had been consistent with my pledge, I would have forced her out of my room. But I wanted more of her warmth and distorted love. I would get even later. Now I wanted to get back inside her eager body and flood her with my seed.
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