Freement by William James Johnson Chapter 26

The hospital of the Sisters of Faith was silent. It had taken all day and most of the night for Freement to tell his story. The pale streams of light shining through the opening in the door, outlined his weary face. He waited anxiously for his roommate to express his opinion, but Gregory said nothing.
"That's it Gregory. That's my life."
The older man still remained silent.
"Was my story so boring, it's lulled you to sleep?"
Annoyed by Gregory's impassivity, he stood between the beds, studying the old man. Grabbing him by the shoulders, he began to shake him.
"Wake up old man. Make your judgement of me like the others. Do you also think I'm a devil?"
"What a terrifying story..."
"To hell with the story...Do you think I was wrong? Are they justified in damning the new saviour of the world?"
"You're pathetic John. You condemn hypocrisy, yet hypocrisy is the basis of this freak personality you've made for yourself. Your story is a lie."
John became furious with these remarks. "Goddamn you...It's the truth. I swear it. I've lived every word of it."
"By whom do you swear? By God? No my friend. It's not your fearsome tale I accuse. It's the lie you've been living since you were a small boy. It's this falsehood which has produced the devil Freement. And what is even worse, you have passed your living lie on to others. You've destroyed their young minds with your corrupt irresponsibility."
"Jesus. you're no better than the others. Stop being so goddamn pompous and realize I gave my followers a formula for mental freedom. They believed what I told them, because I gave them the truth. Freement is the only one who had the courage to speak the truth."
"Truth...you don't even know what truth is. You've made a mockery of it. Even now you won't face the truth."
"You're wrong old man. Look at me. I've practised what I've preached. I've gained mental freedom. Look at me...I'm free."
It seemed hopeless trying to talk sense with this madman.
"Yes, look at you! Standing there proclaiming your freedom, surrounded by the four walls of your prison. How terribly sad. In your search for mental freedom, you've even lost your physical freedom."
"But I was right. I can't help it if my captors lacked the intelligence to recognize the truth. It must have been right. My movement is thriving. and when my followers learn about my capture, they'll come in force and free me."
"Your theories are lies, just like your life."
"Impossible. My disciples would not support a liar."
"Young people would support anyone who would make them as free as you promised. They too are looking for freedom from responsibilities. Don't you see John. all this nonsense developed out of your inability to accept blame. In truth, it all goes back to your brief sexual experience with your little sister Ruthy. You even said yourself, that was the reason you decided to go to Amston to study for the priesthood. Just imagine what your life could have been if you had the courage to accept responsibility for your sins. And believe me John. you have led a very sinful
life. The sordid details of it would be capable of corrupting me had I not spent my life contemplating the sufferings of Jesus."
"Shut up old man. You call me a liar, but you pray to Christ, history's greatest liar. There is no God, and without God, Christ is just another nervy Jew who was put in his place."
"Stop this blasphemy my boy. No matter how you try to prevent it. God will intrude your life, even here in this prison."
"No...never. I've destroyed God. Man is just a material being. I'll destroy everything that gets in my way of freedom."
"Like you did those two unfortunate women?"
"Yes...like I did them...stop putting words in my mouth. That is done and forgotten. No one must ever know. Promise me Gregory you'll never tell. Oh what the hell, I don't care if you do tell. I'm through talking Gregory. My head is hurting. I need to rest."
Freement dropped onto his bed. The unrelenting pounding in his head made him move fitfully as he tried to force himself to sleep.
Gregory slipped his shoes off, and moved quietly to John's bed. At first the young man was not aware of what was happening. Gregory placed his hand gently on his shoulder. Suddenly Freement shot up in bed.
"Take your hands off me you sonofabitch. I thought you were different. You're just like that other raping monster."
"I only want to help."
"So was he...Keep away from me. I'm warning you. No one can push Freement around. You touch me again you bastard and it'll be the last time you touch anyone."
"You're desperately sick John. I'm sure even your so called captors don't realize how disturbed you are."
"So that's your judgement of me. I'm crazy. I wasn't responsible...Well that's where you're wrong old man. I did all those things because I was fed up being trapped by my own mind. I had to break away and I did. I'm free now and no matter what they do, they can't stop Freement."
"Free...How can you say you're free. You are trapped in the most ironic of traps. Your unbelief has made you a prisoner of the Sisters of Faith. You have committed mortal sin which can take you directly into hell unless you seek God's forgiveness, but you deny his existence. You even have to share your room with
an unfrocked priest, who because of his own sinning, no longer has the power to forgive you and relieve the tremendous guilt you are suffering. This is the freedom you have won for yourself. And the most ironic of all, here you must live with your conscience."
"Lies...all lies. You seemed to forget Gregory I no longer have a conscience. It's dead Gregory...dead."
"It is you who are mistaken my boy. I am your conscience. I know your entire life. You've made me your conscience John. Only now you've got a conscience you can see as well as hear. And as your conscience I implore you to fall on your knees and beg God's forgiveness before you go to sleep. Your soul is in the state of mortal sin, and should you die without forgiveness, you will spend eternity in the consuming fires of hell."
"Shut up...shut up you lying bastard. You're worse than the others. You're not satisfied punishing my body, you want to destroy my mind as well. I'm not afraid of dying. Dying is the natural end of man."
"No use talking anymore. You can't lie to yourself forever. Macdonald Burney was right. There is a place of infinite punishment for sin, I, your conscience, swears to it."
"No...no. You're not my conscience. I've destroyed it. I killed it once. I can do it again."
"How do you propose doing it?"
"By destroying you Gregory. Nothing will ever stop Freement, not even you."
He lunged in the darkness at the old man, seizing him by the throat. Gregory had strong arms, but his heart could not stand the strain. He tried desperately to break the younger man's grip, but Freement brought his knee up and smashed the old man in the face, and hurled him to the floor. Pouncing heavily on top of his victim, he grabbed a shoe from under the bed, and began pummelling him in the face. Unmercifully he clutched Gregory's throat, squeezing it with superhuman strength like he had done to his previous two victims. As Gregory struggled against the killing fingers, the light began to fade, then the air, and the sound. A sharp piercing pain in the centre of his chest radiated towards his left shoulder and down the arm to his fingers. In his pain, he formed a fist with his left hand. The youth, thinking he was going to make another break for freedom, smashed him bitterly on the face with the heel of his shoe. At last it was over. The young man sitting astride his victim began to shout.
"You made me do it. I told you to stop, but you wouldn't. It's always been this way. I'm not a devil. It's the devils in my life who push me too far...I told you I killed my conscience, and now you know I wasn't lying. I have killed it."
Getting up from the corpse, he struggled to get Gregory to his feet. The heavy carcass slipped from his grip and fell onto the bed, in a sitting position. John fell onto the other bed, trying to regain his strength. Several minutes passed before he could stop gasping for air. Sitting up, he looked across at his handiwork. The dim light coming through the door glistened eerily in the icy stare of the dead eyes of Gregory. They had not closed.
"No...no...stop looking at me...I've killed my conscience, but it keeps staring at me...it's that goddamn albatross again. He charged at the corpse and struck it across the face shouting.
"Die...damn you die...and let me be free."
The body fell on its side and the frantic youth began screaming through the bars in his door.
"Help...help me. Freement needs your help. I've killed my conscience but it keeps staring at me."
A nun on night duty shone a flashlight into his cell. She saw Gregory's deathly gaze and ran to get help. Returning with two orderlies carrying a canvas jacket with many straps dangling from it, they carefully opened the door. The madman ran to the window and extended his arms.
"Come and crucify me like you did the other Christ. Freement will die for his movement."
The only cross they gave him was when they crossed his arms in front of him and buckled the straps in back. Gently they guided him out of the cell to another cell which had no furnishings.
John rushed to the barred window. Feeling the early, morning air on his face. he began to scream.
"At last I'm free. I can do anything I want, and no one can stop me."

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