Payroll by William James Johnson Chapter 26

"Tiger" Kelly was beginning to think his new investigating team was someone's insidious plot to discredit him before retirement. He had conveniently forgotten it was his own impulsive decision which had brought together this handsome but guileless jock and the beautiful lesbian constable. Beating his thigh mercilessly with his riding crop, he paced up and down, fuming like a castrated bull.
"I can't believe it...I just cannot believe what you two did."
"We're sorry sir," said Broom sheepishly, his head drooping as Kelly swung his whip close to his behind.
"We are sorry Inspector," added Furthers. "It must've been the liquor."
"Must've been the liquor. What the hell kinda excuse is that? Two of my hand picked officers drinking on the job?"
"We weren't on duty at the time sir. Besides everyone drinks in Vegas. There's always someone standing by with a tray of free drinks. Loosens you up for gambling."
"Which of course you did."
"A little..." said Becky.
"I'm almost afraid to ask," said the Inspector, dying of curiosity.
"Constable Furthers hit the jackpot at the Diamond Casino. The one armed bandit paid ten thousand dollars."
"She what?"
"That's right Inspector, I won the jackpot."
"My Christ...I send you at government expense, to investigate a major crime, and you two act like you're on a paid vacation. What the hell am I going to do with you?"
"We got what we went after," said Broom.
"Oh sure...I forgot. You found out where Thistlegrow is."
"That's right sir, and we'd like to continue the investigation."
"Stop trying to con me with that duty first crap and finish your story...I want to hear the whole thing."
"With all the money Becky won, she thought we should have a once in a life time party, if you know what I mean."
"Go on."
"There was this scrumptious, long legged chorus girl, with dongers that would never quit. My gawd Inspector she was gorgeous. Becky kinda liked her too. What the hell I couldn't afford her, but the Constable had just won the jackpot and well..."
"What Rick is trying to say was that I decided to engage her. He just came along for the ride...If I can be so crude."
"How the hell did the Vegas police get involved?" asked Kelly.
"Turns out this ravishing broad was a flaming faggot," said Broom. "Know what I mean...A gay transvestite. Believe me Inspector, I was close enough to her...I mean him, to squeeze one of her boobies...his boobies, and I still didn't know it was a guy. He fooled Becky too. She didn't know until she got a handful of you know what. That's when the poop hit the fan."
"I don't mind saying I was shocked," said Becky. "I wanted my money back. I wasn't going to let a guy cheat me like that."
"Goddamn it, I agree," said Kelly. "I'd want my money back too."
"There was no way he was going to give Becky back her money, and I wasn't going to let this sonofabitch rip off my partner."
"The Vegas cops told us this guy had used this scam on a lot of tourists," added Furthers.
"They also told us the fairy had a black belt in martial arts," said Broom. "Once he got the suckers' dough, he'd go into action and scare them off. Most of them took their loses and kept quiet. That long legged bastard fought like hell. Gave me a new respect for queers I don't mind telling you."
"Jeezus H. Christ...This is one for the books," said Kelly smacking the desk with his leather crop.
"The Sheriff was terrific. He said he'd drop all the charges if we agreed to pay for the damages to our suite."
"And?"
"Cost over $7000.00."
"It what...!"
"That's what it cost sir. We had a little fire that sorta wiped out the room."
"I'm almost afraid to ask why there was a fire."
"The guys knocked over the candles we were using for romantic effect. The flames caught the flimsy material hanging from the canopy, and soon the whole room was burning. Thank gawd for fire walls. We were lucky to get out alive."
Kelly dropped into his chair exhausted. All that wacking of his thighs and their lurid account was too much for a man about to retire.
"Is there anything else I should know?"
"Just one thing Inspector," said Furthers. "Sergeant Broom is one helluva partner. I sure would like to continue working with him."
"And what about you Dick? You got something nice to say about our little lady?"
"I think Becky is a terrific guy to work with."
"Isn't this nice. I ask you both to come here to chew out your ass, and you give me this 'we really like each other bull shit'. I'm gonna give you what you deserve. You guys are a team, and you're stuck with it. I'm giving you one last chance to show me you've got what it takes to get your man..." Kelly suddenly burst into laughter, realizing how funny that sounded after what they told him.
"Okay...so you've already done that...Now get to hell outa here and find Thistlegrow."
Saluting smartly, with regulation about-turns, they left his office. Outside the door, They heard him take one more wack at his desk.
Getting to Alliance, Nebraska was no mean task. Kelly authorized a private charter to fly them to Scottsbluff where they rented a car to drive to the small town where Ivan Thistlegrow was still recovering from his ordeal in the desert. Located in the south east corner of Box Butte County, Alliance has 8000 people, many of whom have never been outside the county.
Doctor "Buff" Murray had grown up in Alliance, obtaining his medical degree on Korean War credits. After that godforsaken war, he wanted to spend his life in a quiet backwater, where the most excitement in town was electronic Bingo in the basement of Sacred Heart Church, after Friday night novena.
All of this was B.I.T....Before Ivan Thistlegrow. Now the small prairie town was featured on national TV. And People's Journal did a story about the aging pilot's adventures in the desert. There was even talk some movie studio was considering doing a full length story of Ivan Thistlegrow, small town pilot.
Being the personal physician of an old coot was not what Doc Murray wanted out of life. Fishing in the North Platte River, or macro photography in the desert was his thing. Now he had to meet with these two foreign policemen. Since Ivan was brought in, near death, in the back of the pickup truck owned by Stan Blackwater and his brother-in-law, Charlie Hawkfeather, life was not the same.
"These two Indians found him hobbling in the desert north of Antioch. Damn hard country. I don't know how he made it. You must've seen how rough it can get driving up here from Scottsbluff."
"We sure did," said Broom. "What condition was he in when they brought him in?"
"Rough...He claimed he'd spent a few days in the gawd awful heat, trying to walk on a compound fracture of the right ankle. Trying to use it when it was damaged so badly, made it much worse. He's a tough nut."
"Did he say anything about how he got there?" asked Becky.
"Only that he was given a chute and pushed out of a plane. The whole thing sounds really fishy to me. But come on. You can talk to him yourself."
Doc Murray took them to a bright ward in the west wing of the hospital where chronic patients were kept.
"It's more like an old folks home here than a hospital. We've got Ivan in here with some of our senior citizens, and he's not liking it much."
Sitting in a wheel chair, on a sun porch, they watched Ivan hold up the centre of Playboy Magazine and smile as it unfolded.
"You've got visitors Ivan," said Murray.
He reacted like a young schoolboy getting caught writing dirty words on a washroom wall. Awkwardly he managed to refold the picture of the buxom belle and drop the magazine beside him.
"Oh! Visitors? Can't say I ever saw them before."
"Mr. Thistlegrow?" asked Broom.
"The one and only."
"I'm Sergeant Broom and this is my partner Constable Furthers of the RCMP."
` "Mounted Police?"
"The one and only," replied Broom, smiling.
"Bet you want to know about those crooks who tried to kill me."
"That's why we're here."
"Crafty bastards I don't mind telling you."
"In what way sir?"
"Came to my place in Bowbells and highered me to fly them to the coast. That was a couple weeks before we actually went. Well when they finally showed up, I knew something was wrong."
"How was that?"
"They had a different car. First time they came it was this red sport's car. Then when they were ready to go west, they came in this blue car, the one they mentioned on the TV was stolen from you Mounties."
"Are you saying you knew they were robbers when they showed up the second time?" asked Becky.
Her question stopped him for a moment, He wasn't sure how he should answer this one. He was sorry now he told them about the car.
"I guess maybe it was the TV where I heard it. Yes...It was on TV."
"And they showed pictures of Corporal Zylkowski with that report is that not so?"
"Seems they might have done that," said the old pilot stalling, hoping they would change the subject.
"So you knew they were robbers when you saw them again?"
"Look I can't say for sure I knew. He told me he was Stan Howard, and she was Doris Fleming. Claimed to be students at the University of Saskatchewan. But they weren't."
"Oh! How did you know that?" asked Becky.
"Called the University Registrar, and she told me they didn't have any students with those names on course."
"Why would you do that Ivan?"
"Instinct I guess...you know what it's like with some people. They can look you straight in the eye and lie. Guess I was right about those two wasn't I?"
"Guess you were," said Broom. "I still can't see why you would go to the bother of checking their story."
"For Chrissake...I didn't want to go to all that trouble and get stiffed by a couple of crooks."
"So you thought they might be crooks even before the robbery?"
"Seems so."
"And before you took off for the west, you knew they were not who they claimed to be. You knew about the robbery, and you saw his picture on TV."
"Okay...okay. So maybe I did."
"Then why did you help them escape? You can be charged with aiding and abetting."
"Now hold it you guys. I never told you about the gun...that's it. They had a gun. They said if I didn't fly them to the coast, they would shoot me...that's what happened...Honest."
"Let's try this another way Mr. Thistlegrow...Knowing you were going to be taking passengers to the west coast as you have admitted, wouldn't it be reasonable to expect you would file a flight plan?"
"I did file...at least I think I did. Sometimes my memory is not that good. Christ, I'm over sixty. What do you expect?"
"There's no flight plan on file."
"There ain't?"
"Damn it...I must be gettin' that watchmacallit disease, 'Old Timers', somethin' or other."
"Alzheimers," suggested Doctor Murray, fascinated by his cat and mouse game.
"Yeah! That's it Doc. That's the one where you can't remember things ain't it?"
"That's right Ivan...but I don't think that's your problem."
"Look I'm tryin' to help you guys. Why don't you believe me?"
"The chart in your plane had a map of your route."
"Of course. You don't think I'd be stupid enough to fly across the country without a map."
"But this one had a line marked on it."
"Of course it did...That's how it's done."
"But the line only went as far as Alliance, Nebraska."
Ivan felt his stomach sink. Obviously these police had been doing their work.
"I'm not going to answer any more questions without a lawyer."
"You don't need a lawyer. All we need to get from you is an idea where we can go from here to find our robbers. We're not trying to make it tough on you."
"Next you'll be saying I was trying to steal the money from them myself. I know how you cops work."
"Were you Ivan...were you trying to steal the payroll?"
"Christ no. I told you they threw me outa my goddamn plane. They tried to kill me."
"That's why they let you put on a parachute first?"
"I told you, I don't have to answer any more questions. I want a lawyer."
"One last question," said Furthers.
"What's that?"
"Those two young Indians who brought you here, turned over a canvas bag with some of Corporal Zylkowski's army clothes in it. Any idea how you happened to get that bag?"
"Jumpin' Jeezus...I'm sick and tired of being called a crook. I'm a sick man, and you're not helping things, comin' here, accusing' me like that. I hope to hell you find those crafty sonsabitches and let me have just a few minutes with them...the girl especially."
"Why the girl?"
"The bitch switched the goddamn bags, that's why."

Read more of William James Johnson blogs at http://noozoon.blogspot.com