I Am Not a Crook by William James Johnson

This is a quote by former president Richard Nixon during the historical "Watergate Hearings". It is probably the one thing for which "Dirty Dick" will always be remembered..I too, am not a crook, but I was accused of being a thief when I was nine years old, in grade three of my Catholic school, Holy Name of Mary. We lived in a parish which was known by its abbreviated title of "O.L.P.S" which meant "Our Lady of Prompt Succor". Whatever that means.

There was a knock on our classroom door, and standing in the hall was a senior student.

"I'm supposed to bring Billy Johnson to the principal's office,"

Just to hear I was being taken to Sister Dionysius' office set up a nervous trembling through my entire body. "Didi" as we all called her, had a threatening reputation. Just being in her presence made some kids wet themselves. There was definitely a witches brew about this emaciated celibate whose chin in the sunlight shone with silver, wiry wiskers.

Her tall figure, all in black except that white thing which framed her unattractive grumpy face, stood with her back to the window to enhance her foreboding presence, her hand on my brother Bob's shoulder.

"So now we have the whole gang of thieves, the notorious Johnson boys. Thought you could get away with it did you?" Her voice sounded like the witch in the Wizard of Oz.

"Away with what?" I asked.

She wacked me in the back of my head with that set of bones which she used as a hand. "Did I ask you to speak?"

"I just want to know what you think we have done, that's all".

"I have a witness who saw the two of you run into the bread truck while the man was making a delivery, and stole two loaves of bread."

Bob had enough of this and he grabbed Didi's arm when she had wacked me again.

"You can't do this Sister. Someone is lying and it ain't us."

She swung at Bob, who is a year younger than me, but bigger. Using his extra bulk, he forced her against the table and made a fist.

"Bob! No. Stop it."

"I'm not a thief and no black witch is going to push us around. You and me Bill. We can take on anyone."

She left the office and we heard her locking us in. She left us locked up until almost the end of the school day. She didn't let us eat our lunches, and we were terrified to go home and have to tell our parents what had happened. They believed priests and nuns could walk on water.

We heard the key turning and the principal in her most strident voice ordered us out.

"Get back to your classes. You've missed enough as it is. Our witness and the deliveryman admitted they were both mistaken. The thieves were the other Johnson family. Now get out of here. You have caused enough trouble for one day."

No apology. Nothing. But the satisfaction "we are not crooks."